(I used to be blonde but I bleached my hair white).

Football FINALLY makes sense..........
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football
game. They had great seats right behind their team's
bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied,
"especially the tight pants and all the big muscles,
but I just couldn't understand why they were killing
each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then
for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'

I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself
out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if
he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much
will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about pipty dollars?" The man agreed and
told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said? to
her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around
the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her
money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "O yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint lept ober, so I gabe it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a PORCH, it's a PERRARI".

Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas
Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of
them and said,
"So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting
back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said,
"To be a police officer, you must be able to detect. You must be able to notice
things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it
after about two seconds.
"Did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
"Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
"Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face!
You're dismissed!"
The detective then turned to the second blonde,stuck the photo in her face for
two seconds, pulled it back and said,
"What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,
"Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the
face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and flashed the
photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying,
"All right,did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
"I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at
some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled
expression and said,
"You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world
could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one
ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."